Sing Oh Barren Woman

I'm exhausted. I shouldn't be, but here I am exhausted. Last week was our last club we have our last just Hickory campaigners tomorrow night and all of our alumni students are back in town from college. Things are supposed to slow down right? No, not for me and I like that.

I read this scripture in Isaiah this morning and my heart just felt such rest in it. This time last year I was at rockbridge getting the camp ready for high school and middle school students to hear the greatest news of their lives. Now, here I am on the other side of it all, at least it seems that way, as I sit here in our Young Life office heart broken over girls. Truly I am heartbroken, I say this not so it sounds impressive but truly because it is my heart I have never felt this way before the Lord has put such a burden on me that I simply cannot lose it. As I read Isaiah 54 this morning so much stood out but one part especially:
“Sing, barren woman,
you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
than of her who has a husband,”
says the LORD.
2 “Enlarge the place of your tent,
stretch your tent curtains wide,
do not hold back;
lengthen your cords,
strengthen your stakes.
3 For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
your descendants will dispossess nations
and settle in their desolate cities.

I am a single girl doing youth ministry, I am in 8 weddings this year and was invited to 13 you can imagine what that can do to your heart, especially someone like me who doesn't necessarily stop. Reading this allowed me to see that although I am single and I may be single for the rest of my life, who knows, that my children are plentiful. I go to the high school, I go to games, I go to coffee, to dinner, to prom pictures, to chess meets, girls spend the night in my house, come over to do crafts and I am single... girls text me, and call me, and meet me at tropical smoothie and I am single. "sing barren woman you who never bore a child, burst into song shout for joy." Oh I am singing, I am singing loud for these kids. "because more are the children of the desolate woman" this is what brought such peace to me, comparison is a thief and it has been for me. I see close friends of mine getting married talking about kids (don't worry they are older than 22) and I sit here thankful I haven't had a longing for it not yet but of course it is woven in me and I want it but more are my children. More time do I have to give, more heart, more places in my life. I am desolate maybe, but more are my children... more of my heart can be burdened for girls. Maybe this is why I am exhausted and if so there is no other exhaustion I would rather have.
So as I type this now I am preparing for an evening of gym classes with high school and college girls, dinner with a leader, and district soccer where I watch girls at Hickory play their hearts out... this is where I find my heart on a gym floor laughing with a lost girl or in the stands screaming for girls I have yet to meet. This is where my heart sits "You oh barren woman" I want to be barren because there I will let my tent curtains expand.

This sounds so extreme but my heart is here and that is what blogging is for right? For you to see where I am?

Oh yeah and last night I played my first villain ever... my name was CD McNosering I hated 3 things 1. Young Life business 2. Sarah McLaughlin and 3. Josh Ring's (a leader) innocence. Wish you could have seen.

7:21 at tropical smoothie

Every Thursday morning at 7:21 (I tell them that time) I meet with two sweet girls Elyssa and Stephanie at Tropical Smoothie. Together we are doing a Bible study/ book study on Brennan Manning's book The Rabbi's Heartbeat (thanks Natalie for letting me borrow it two years ago!) Its so funny because I love doing Bible study but its hard sometimes... really hard. I am pushing and pulling these girls asking them questions trying to see where their hearts are but they are so scared I typically get one word answers and averted eyes. These girls could change their school, I mean REALLY change it but they don't see it at all. Pray for this time for me, pray that I would be able to push the girls hard. Pray that they would remember their times at tropical smoothie as deep and meaningful when they look back at high school and that they could see the realness and the rawness of our conversations.