the unknown

Chesapeake is special to me I can't say that enough.  It's where I have had my first job, its where I felt broken like I couldn't do ministry or this, healed wounds that had been open for years, fell madly in love with Jesus for real and forever, learned my gifts, learned my weaknesses, saw my sin,  felt selfish, felt loved, felt wanted, laughed, cried sobbed even, where I discipled, where I've been discipled, where I put thousands of miles on my car, where I went to football games, soccer games, softball games, chorus concerts, walked girls to class, where I stayed up until 4 talking to college girls about hurt about truth, where I prayed with high school girls to meet their savior, where all I could do was pray, learned humility, learned I'm prideful, where I realized that God called me here, where I realized its not about me, where I learned patience, where I learned that I love to love...

These are just small snapshots of everything I learned and have experienced here. 

I realize that the Lord only calls someone someplace for a time and the rest is unknown to us... how much do we hate the unknown? I am a control freak so I want to know everything all the time its where I try to battle with Him the most when I can't know until He reveals it.

  I am only here for two years,  and those two years are quickly coming to an end an end. Right now I don't know where I will be next year and of course the Lord could and might keep me here in Chesapeake but I don't know. Its hard not knowing but here is one thing I do know is that I will keep loving people into the kingdom. I know that I will keep falling in love with him and I know that I will keep striving to honor Him in all I do. For now I will just rest in the unknown and be thankful. 

Tramp for the Lord

If you have heard me talk about this book you know how it has changed my life. Well, today is my day away and I finally finished it, not because it was long but because I had to put it on my shelf for a while.

Today as I read in this small "hipster" coffee shop in Norfolk I sat quietly listening to songs about His glory and this frail man slowly,and I mean REALLY slowly meandered in. He had a soaking rain coat and a huge gray moustache and he sat beside me. I watched as the barista took great care of him. She brought him his muffin and coffee and spoke tenderly to him as he smiled without words. She walked to the "condiment bar" and brought back a sugar packet and said "I'm sorry ____ we will have to use a sugar packet today. I've opened it for you are you ready to pour it in together?" He nodded she helped him pour his sugar in his coffee. "Ok, set it aside... right there yes, set it next to the cup so great ____ you are doing wonderful today. Ok, are you ready for some milk? Why don't you do it this time... yes, thats perfect. I'm so glad you have your raincoat today its pouring out there. I'll be back in a second to check on you ____."

 I cried, I may be extra emotional today but I just couldn't believe it, she was so careful and had such grace and love. This man could have lived a life of service, he could have taken care of so many people and he sat in this coffee shop and was encourage to "do the milk this time" and I couldn't hold it in. How often do I want to feel the grasp of the Lords hand and although He never leaves me sometimes he tells me sweetly ok Katie you do it this time, he is there and he is guiding me but he declares that its my turn. I was touched by this scene for so many other reasons but I just had to share it with you.

 I read in my book about this woman who had multiple sclerosis, her hands were gnarled from the disease and her body was broken both from working hard for her God all her life but also from this illness. The chapter talked about how Corrie visited the woman in Lithuania. Her husband had taken great care of this woman who had fought battle after battle for Jesus and was now forced to sit upright in a chair covered in pillows and only had control of one finger. ONE FINGER! What can you do with one finger? Her husband would sit with her every morning and would read scripture to her and then would sit a giant old typewriter in front of her and with that one finger she would translate the Bible and Christian books into her language so that the people of her town could know Jesus. During this time it was illegal in her country to practice the Christian faith so there were no books declaring Christ and none were in her country's language. So with that one finger she wrote, page after page in hopes that one would fall in love. Here I sit in a coffee shop feeling overwrought and weary unsure of why the Lord has called me here because I can't do it and I read of this woman with one finger she professes Christ... I have all ten. What are my excuses? They seem dry and broken now... thank you jesus that they seem dry and broken!

Before I started my day away I had a bible study at starbucks... I invited girls and Stephanie texted them all for me. This morning at 7:30 at a starbucks in Chesapeake I had 16 girls sit before me eager for Christ not only eager but thirsty. One girl said "I was so jealous of those great bridge boys who had a bible study in the morning, thank you Katie." She was jealous to be in scripture together! WHAT THE HECK? When I was 15 I was jealous of someone's UGGs I don't deserve this Jesus... I can't do this Jesus is what I said to myself. I don't know what He is doing with me, or this, or Hickory but I pray he keeps doing it. Please see my humble heart in this... because I am sitting in shock of all of it.

 I want to leave you with this quote from an unknown author, I plan to paint it on my wall to remind myself of this story of this man of this woman of this unreal morning I woke up to find girls waiting for His word.

 "When she enters the beautiful city and the saved all around her appear, many people around will tell her; it was you that invited me here" Don't you want Jesus to ask you to invite them? I do.

Being Behind & Fall Weekend

Hickory Team

Hallie, Brooke, Brielle, Steph, Elyssa, Me

Carolyn and I at the football game!

Anne (cut out sadly), Riane, Sydney... me

Anne, Riane, Sydney

All the hickory girls!

I hate being behind, I hate feeling like I can't keep all the plates that I need to have spinning in the air spinning but in a weird way I love it at the same time. I love it because it causes me to see that I am broken, I am not perfect I can't do this without jesus I could never do this life without him so why do I try so often? Oh right because I am drenched in sin. 

 November 4th we took about 230 kids from Chesapeake to Rockbridge for our fall weekend. This was Will's (our new area director) first camp trip with Chesapeake and it was CRAZY. We had 100 kids sign up overnight, we had to order another 47 passenger bus last minute to make a total of 5 busses, we didn't have enough leaders... amazingly sweet problems to have. I was thankful I couldn't handle those plates only Jesus could but I tried to during that week and I am ashamed to say that here.

From Hickory I took these amazing girls to camp and I don't want to say that flippantly they were amazing: Anne, Riane, Sydney, Julia, Haley, Emily, Elyssa, Cady, Morgan, Brooke, Brielle, Stephanie, Hallie, Bekah & Francesca. Friday afternoon I was so excited to finally be with these girls and be able to share Jesus with them some for the first time.

Then we had problems... bus problems... and that is when I hate being on staff secretly. All I wanted was to sit with girls on the bus and laugh and I had to call rental companies to track down a 47 passenger bus for us because our "late bus" cancelled as we were on the way to Rockbridge. We had another bus driver flip out on our leaders and kids and refuse to drive them in the midst of losing the bus and we arrived at camp over 2 hours late so 230 kids missed all of club but praise our jesus we arrived just in time for the first club talk. All I wanted was to be a leader to 15 girls and the Lord had me help Will be a leader to 230 and I was selfish and I was sad. Thats when I heard Him say to me, give it to me Katie give this all to me, stop taking control let me be in charge of it all. My heart broke, I realized I had lost sight of my Jesus in the midst of problems in the midst of paperwork I forgot Him and I realized how desperately I missed Him.

 From Friday night on the weekend was absolutely beautiful (minus the fact that our bus broke down on the way home but thats another story for another day.) Girls wanted to stay up until 4 for cabin time. Saturday night I sat in the lobby and invited girls to come down and ask questions if they had more after cabin time and one by one girls quietly walked to the lobby of our dorm and had questions that were real and beautiful and 4 sweet amazing girls stood up at the end of the weekend and invited Jesus into their hearts for the first time. I pray that those moments never get old or expected. I was amazed that Jesus allowed me to be there, and I am so thankful he humbled me I needed that and still need humbling. Thank you for praying if not for girls by name thank you just for praying for me. I am so thankful for each one of you, more than you know.

NEW creation

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore if anyone is in Christ he is a NEW creation the old has gone the new has come. This is what its about this is what we long for with students in these city limits of Chesapeake so that one day they can remember the ways in which Christ altered them and their lives for all eternity... because HE is a big deal.

text messages/ emails/ jesus

Its so amazing how a few months ago I wrote a post about texting, how quickly girls reveal their hearts and souls through texting and I totally stand by what I said.

I have talked about Stephanie before, she and I met this year at Tropical Smoothie and I asked for prayers for her that she would feel passionate about Christ. Oh my gosh how the Lord has moved in her, I can't even think about her without crying she is so precious to me. While at camp I just saw Stephanie bloom, her passion for Christ changed it became intimate and sweet, she became intimate and sweet with me and shared her heart and her fears and our relationship has never been the same. Since we got back from camp every week day we have invited kids to come to the young life office for their quiet times, she came everyday at 8:30am. She and I would sit side by side spending time with the Lord. I always write down my prayers and as I would watch her close her eyes to come before our savior I would write furiously that the Lord would protect her that she would feel Him near and my goodness how she has.

Stephanie is getting ready for cheerleading tryouts, she is petrified she and I have talked multiple times about her fears of standing back handsprings, which I know nothing about except through her, and how she wants to make this team bad. Last year she tried out and didn't make it, a gift for me and what seemed like a curse for her. If she had made cheering she wouldn't have ever come to young life or fall weekend she wouldn't have started this relationship with Christ this year. She is so nervous... I told her I would go to tryouts with her would pray with her before and no matter what she is going to be used for God's glory... she knows this now... I am so thankful for that.

I wanted to share this text with you from her I pray she doesn't mind but it has blown my mind the change in her:
s- Katie, I'm getting major butterflies!
k-Oh Steph! What are you the most nervous about?
s- I'm scared that I'm going to be too comfortable with everything and not make it. I trust that God has a plan and if I don't make it then I wasn't meant to be but I'm worried that I think I did well and I will feel heartbreak like I did last year.
k- aww sweet girl, I totally understand. Don't feel like comfort is bad it could be really good! Rest that you are literally so different than you were last year your whole life is different. It's so natural being nervous though, if you weren't I'd be worried. Steph the Lord is going to be so sweet to you I just know it. If you make it you can love those other girls and show them Christ if you don't than you have a whole school to love. Either way He is going to alter this year, you have changed.
s- That means so much it really does. Sometimes I think about if I had made it and I probably would be a completely different person than I am now. I never would've met Kendall or Bridgette who brought me to YoungLIfe so I could meet the Lord. But I know that last year I had selfish intentions of making it but I really wanna make it because I love to do it and I wanna build more relationships through Christ.
k- Oh stephanie I'm crying in my bed. You will no matter what! Girl the Lord has instilled in you a passion that no one can take away tryouts or not you are so incredibly special. THis year is going to be so sweet.
s- Aw Katie, this means so much you have no idea and I can't wait for this year!
k- I can't either steph love you so much I really mean that
s- love you too I'm glad I have you
k- Oh you don't even know

as I typed this I am crying. Hickory has been hard so incredibly hard. I just wanted for girls to have the heart that Stephanie does, I wanted it to be instant and I wanted it to be now but the Lord had HIs timing He knew that I would be sitting in my bed at midnight on a sunday in July texting with a girl who was once lost and is now found.

Honestly I never know what to share in my blog and whats ok and not ok but if Stephanie could soften my heart I know she could so easily soften yours.

-------
Fast forward a couple of days, I am getting ready for my august assignment where I am sent to Rockbridge to be a work crew boss. Stephanie decided she wanted to apply to work crew its wednesday I leave sunday for Rockbridge, she has tryouts Thursday. Thursday afternoon I went to cheer tryouts and found Stephanie crying... she didn't land her backhand spring. Later that night she found out she didn't make cheer tryouts. As I sat crying in my kitchen knowing that this could easily cause her to fall because her faith is still so new I prayed the Lord would give her work crew that it would be His will for her life 15 minutes later I sat at my computer and got an email telling me Stephanie had made work crew. I sat sobbing... the Lord was so sweet to us... Steph and I went to Rockbridge together and she and I returned so changed. This girl is going to rock her school... not for herself not for me not for anyone but for her Jesus. This is just a glimpse of her story and maybe its more for me than for you but how could I ever deny Jesus after experiencing this... I can't.

sheville

I mentioned long ago that Chesapeake only has about 6 girl leaders Jenn, Ally Katie, Libby, Sarah and myself a small community but it is made HUGE in the summer when we add Alex b, Alex q, Katie m, Shannon l, Becca f, Cristina m, allison m, leslie b, ariel s, and others.

Every week, once a week (typically after club during the year) the girls gather together either at Libby's house or mine to have Sheville.
People tell me often that I am SO lucky to be on young life staff in Chesapeake and I agreed, mostly this is due to the depth of our community here and this depth is because of Christ and how He has moved and allowed us to have this time together as girls.
Every week we get together and talk about how the Lord is shaping us, the hard, the good, the ministry, tears are shed, laughs are heard and encouragement is plentiful. I have never been a part of something like this, so precious and so life giving.
It could be SO incredibly easy for me to sit in that room and think "I am the staff person, these are our volunteer leaders I need to act ok, like I am not hurting or maybe even joyful" but the Lord has instilled such a realness in this time and in my heart that I could NEVER do that.

This past wednesday I shared so much of my heart with a room of 10 girls some of whom I just met in January some even May! As I sat crying on a sofa these girls loved me, Christ loved me through them, and I felt the burdens of the world slowly being taken from me and put on the shoulders of my Jesus. These girls I have known for such a short period have quickly become some of my closest friends in the world. They always tease me and affirm me telling me that "just everyone loves you Katie" or "so many people know you Katie" I of course deny this because it isn't true but think how I don't care, I love that you all know me and you all know me better than anyone. So if any of them read this thank you, thank you for introducing me to sheville to depth, to your hearts, to realness as women of Christ, for always telling me I'm wise, that I'm worth it, that I am needed, that I'm funny, that I'm sweet, that I am loved. I pray one day I will believe all the sweet sweet things you all say about me until then know you all are so extremely precious to my heart and I wish I could write a post about each one of you and maybe one day I will be able to.
For now, thank you I love each of you.

we returned changed...

Thank you all so much for praying and being a part of this week with me, I did not feel as though I was leading a cabin alone but felt as though I had so many people sitting in cabin time with me asking difficult questions and hearing difficult answers, so thank you for that.

This week at Rockbridge was probably one of the hardest weeks I have ever experienced leading. My girls are sassy, real sassy I say this with all the truth in my heart, sometimes I say that to be funny but this time I really mean it. There were times throughout the week when I couldn't even believe the way girls were treating me or the summer staff and work crew, it was almost shocking but it made me all the more thankful they were there hearing about Christ.

By day 4 when girls got to hear about this thing called sin for the first time I realized how they were changing. After cabin time I took 5 girls on the porch of our cabin because they were hurting so deeply, crying so hard, and wanted to talk even though they acted like they were "ok." We sat out on our porch until 2AM and the Lord let me hear the brokenness of girls who have told me they were "fine" for the past 6 months, I heard the pain of hurting families, of hurting bodies, of emotions that had been buried deep for years and I felt undeserving. I felt like the Lord granted me such a vision into the hearts of these girls and all girls at Hickory and it rekindled a fire in my heart for leading. We sat and talked out everything each girl was facing at home and I told them how this was never God's intention, that He never wanted them to hurt this deeply. From that moment on girls changed, they started asking questions they wanted to be with me, they wanted to laugh, they longed for freedom.

On Day 6 our last day, I sat in a rocking chair for 6 hours straight meeting with girls for one on ones. I was able to pray with 3 girls to welcome Christ into their hearts and these girls were lost, one was a girl I was petrified of all year at club she was 14 and I was scared to death of her, but now her life is forever changed and the Lord allowed me to be a part of that and to love her.

That was one thing I learned so deeply over this week, I had girls fighting me, questioning me, and not listening to me all week and I loved them, I can't even explain it. Girls would say rude things to me to the point of me having to leave the room to cry and I would love them, it sounds so masochistic but I think for the first time in my life I caught a glimpse of the ways in which Christ loves us. We are rude, we go against Him and He loves us. This week at camp allowed me to see why I love leading Young Life why I am in love with Christ and why I so desperately want to share Christ with others for the rest of my life because I want them to feel this love that Christ so freely gives us. I want people to know that their brokenness is not the intention of a loving, just God.

I want to share every second of camp so if you want to hear more I would love to talk with you about it all but for now this is what the Lord put on my heart to share and I just thank you for praying for strength I made it up that dumb obstacle course hill because of you!

Prayers Mid-Week of Camp

Thank you so so much for praying. It's been really tough way tougher than I was prepared for. Last night my girls heard for the first time about sin. Its always crazy to me how that night is when girls are the most rude and the most broken at the same time. As we sat down for cabin time the holy spirit worked boldness in me. I sat with 5 girls on our cabin porch last night as they shared the turmoil the pain and the brokenness in their hearts. Pray for movement of the spirit tonight at 9:45 we will have the 20 minutes, pray that tonight would be life altering for these girls pray that they would see that our world is not meant to contain the pain it does.

Pray for
Hallie
Stephanie
Elyssa
Kelli
Amber
Francesca she is hurting deeply right now is closing herself off and sits and cries.

These girls are so ready but so unsure pray for my one on ones with them.

Please pray for these boys, my teammates are so passionately in love with them and have already had such life giving conversations with them.

Cody
Hunter foutz
Andrew donafrio
John shaw
John die
Steven Cotnoir

Pray for my guy teammates
Jacob
Nacho
Parker
And 2 of their key guys who are loving their friends desperately
Zach
Justin

Thank you from all of my being thank you for prayer it is felt and needed.

pray for the hearts of many.

I want to thank you so much for offering to pray for my camp trip to Rockbridge. It is such a gift knowing that I have people surrounding me who have the same heartbreak over high school students that I do. I woke up this morning for the first time excited for this camp trip. I think previously I had been distracted by numbers, health forms, checks, cash all the dumb details that go along with taking kids to camp but now I am excited, I am breathing easily and cannot wait to be with these kids. I am really excited that Hickory is taking about 25 kids on this trip and all of Chesapeake is taking close to 200!!!


Of course I would love for you to pray for all the kids on this trip but selfishly please pray for these 10 girls of whom are ALL first timers, I wanted to include a little something about each so you know what to pray for.

Stephanie- she is conforming to this world quickly and easily, she believes goodness will get her into heaven and is EXTREMELY worried about what others think of her and won't let go.

Elyssa- quiet reserved and she has never been able to make the choice to live for Christ it was just told to her by her family, pray that this is the week it becomes hers.

Kelli- Kelli goes through the motions of going to youth group, church but sees her faith being based upon legalism. She is a girl who will thrive with all the crazy stuff we do at camp pray that the Gospel becomes hers not something distant or an obligation.

Amber- She is moving to Texas two week after we get back this could be the last time she ever hears the Gospel. She is another that will thrive in the insanity and is a bit boy obsessed.d

Francesca- I had to beg her parents to let her come she is Catholic and her mom isn't the biggest fan of out of Church ministries, Francesca is bound by legalism and doesn't see that Christ a freedom giver.

Megan- Probably one of the most intimidating freshman I know, she is really quiet and secretive if that makes any sense, pray that she would open up I literally know nothing about her.

Bailey- Megan's best friend pray that they don't seclude themselves from the rest of the group.

Hallie- She grew up with an extremely stern mother, and knows the right answers knows what to say and how to say it.

Emily- This girl is so precious to my heart, pray she wouldn't sit in club thinking she has already heard this all before and tune it out pray she would hear it for the first time.

Haley- Pray that her absent minded nature wouldn't put up more walls around her heart than are already there, she has such a sweet sensitive heart and I pray that the truth of Christ would penetrate it deeply.

Lastly for me:
Pray for boldness, that I would NOT be afraid of these girls that I would live with these girls that I would run HARD with them and that I would really be able to put them at a crossroads. I want to treat this trip like it is my LAST chance with each of these precious girls. Please pray for my physical health I am worried about how I will do on the obstacle course as well as this hike we are doing in the morning.

I am sitting in our office right now as all the other schools are figuring out cabins and who to put where and of course my pride is being pushed but I am so thankful that I get to be in a cabin with 10 girls that I love so so deeply and that I don't have to worry about splitting them up or not being with all of them.

Thank you so much thank you thank you. I will try to send a little update mid-week.

Ezekiel 34:1-16

Giving your life away... that is what these sweet women to the left did for me when I was in high school and even into college and of course even now. Carrie was my Young Life leader (red hair) she would have me at her house every weekend for sleep overs would take me to coffee would take me on errands to her office everything, Meghan (second from the right)is my best friend, she also was my fake leader in high school for a semester and this woman loves me so incredibly well, just last week I was crying outside of the post office to her on the phone and she encouraged and loved me and pushed me into Christ. Lesa, I was able to love and disciple when she was a freshman and I was a senior in high school and Heather (far left) did that very same thing for me when I was a sophomore and she was a senior... giving your life away...

What the heck does that even look like now? I have been learning so much about what this means over the past few days, to give it all to share it all and to have no remorse or regret for it. SO many times when I have told people that I am being convicted over giving my life away they tell me "thats all you do Katie" oh gosh what a sweet lie. In my brain I am thinking about how I can shine, when I can get a break, when I can do this or that or how this will give me the best outcome instead of dying to everything that includes me and giving it to you, to them.
I think often about my afternoons recently and it has been incredibly hard for me to go to the school, admitting that here is really humbling because of course I want to hide that from everyone. I haven't been able to get enough courage to go there the past week and a half!! Don't get me wrong I have picked girls up from school but I've gone around the parents loop to get them I didn't inconvenience myself by parking in the student lot and getting out of the car to walk amongst students, no sir that was too much for me this week. I can't figure out why this is happening right now, they are in their final weeks of school and I just can't make it... I pray that this is the last time I say this to anyone but I pray for the feeling of urgency that is so often talked about.

I realized this last night that I see often times my high school students almost like an enemy that I have to make an allie instead of seeing them like myself, struggling, trying to live this life but for so many of them it is for a different mean and by my giving my own life away they can maybe see where real, full life comes.
My heart is overflowing with Christ and why would I not want to give that overflow away? I want to give it away to stop hoarding my heart, stop hoarding my life and die to myself. I pray that as I get ready for camp I can become more aware of dying to myself and giving my life away.

Reading Ezekiel I found such a sweet vision of our God the saving God we know:
"For thus says the Lord GOD: Behold, I, I myself will search for my sheep and will seek them out. As a shepherd seeks out his flock when he is among his sheep that have been scattered, so will I seek out my sheep, and I will rescue them from all places where they have been scattered on a day of clouds and thick darkness. And I will bring them out from the peoples and gather them from the countries, and will bring them into their own land. And I will feed them on the mountains of Israel, by the ravines, and in all the inhabited places of the country. I will feed them with good pasture, and on the mountain heights of Israel shall be their grazing land. There they shall lie down in good grazing land, and on rich pasture they shall feed on the mountains of Israel. I myself will be the shepherd of my sheep, and I myself will make them lie down, declares the Lord GOD. I will seek the lost, and I will bring back the strayed, and I will bind up the injured, and I will strengthen the weak, and the fat and the strong I will destroy. I will feed them in justice.

He will search for them, He will love them He will rescue them from ALL the places where they have been scattered... I breathe that in and cannot comprehend how His entire life is for us... how I pray the same for me.

For now the Lord is humbling me... deeply and fully... thankfully.

Sing Oh Barren Woman

I'm exhausted. I shouldn't be, but here I am exhausted. Last week was our last club we have our last just Hickory campaigners tomorrow night and all of our alumni students are back in town from college. Things are supposed to slow down right? No, not for me and I like that.

I read this scripture in Isaiah this morning and my heart just felt such rest in it. This time last year I was at rockbridge getting the camp ready for high school and middle school students to hear the greatest news of their lives. Now, here I am on the other side of it all, at least it seems that way, as I sit here in our Young Life office heart broken over girls. Truly I am heartbroken, I say this not so it sounds impressive but truly because it is my heart I have never felt this way before the Lord has put such a burden on me that I simply cannot lose it. As I read Isaiah 54 this morning so much stood out but one part especially:
“Sing, barren woman,
you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
than of her who has a husband,”
says the LORD.
2 “Enlarge the place of your tent,
stretch your tent curtains wide,
do not hold back;
lengthen your cords,
strengthen your stakes.
3 For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
your descendants will dispossess nations
and settle in their desolate cities.

I am a single girl doing youth ministry, I am in 8 weddings this year and was invited to 13 you can imagine what that can do to your heart, especially someone like me who doesn't necessarily stop. Reading this allowed me to see that although I am single and I may be single for the rest of my life, who knows, that my children are plentiful. I go to the high school, I go to games, I go to coffee, to dinner, to prom pictures, to chess meets, girls spend the night in my house, come over to do crafts and I am single... girls text me, and call me, and meet me at tropical smoothie and I am single. "sing barren woman you who never bore a child, burst into song shout for joy." Oh I am singing, I am singing loud for these kids. "because more are the children of the desolate woman" this is what brought such peace to me, comparison is a thief and it has been for me. I see close friends of mine getting married talking about kids (don't worry they are older than 22) and I sit here thankful I haven't had a longing for it not yet but of course it is woven in me and I want it but more are my children. More time do I have to give, more heart, more places in my life. I am desolate maybe, but more are my children... more of my heart can be burdened for girls. Maybe this is why I am exhausted and if so there is no other exhaustion I would rather have.
So as I type this now I am preparing for an evening of gym classes with high school and college girls, dinner with a leader, and district soccer where I watch girls at Hickory play their hearts out... this is where I find my heart on a gym floor laughing with a lost girl or in the stands screaming for girls I have yet to meet. This is where my heart sits "You oh barren woman" I want to be barren because there I will let my tent curtains expand.

This sounds so extreme but my heart is here and that is what blogging is for right? For you to see where I am?

Oh yeah and last night I played my first villain ever... my name was CD McNosering I hated 3 things 1. Young Life business 2. Sarah McLaughlin and 3. Josh Ring's (a leader) innocence. Wish you could have seen.

7:21 at tropical smoothie

Every Thursday morning at 7:21 (I tell them that time) I meet with two sweet girls Elyssa and Stephanie at Tropical Smoothie. Together we are doing a Bible study/ book study on Brennan Manning's book The Rabbi's Heartbeat (thanks Natalie for letting me borrow it two years ago!) Its so funny because I love doing Bible study but its hard sometimes... really hard. I am pushing and pulling these girls asking them questions trying to see where their hearts are but they are so scared I typically get one word answers and averted eyes. These girls could change their school, I mean REALLY change it but they don't see it at all. Pray for this time for me, pray that I would be able to push the girls hard. Pray that they would remember their times at tropical smoothie as deep and meaningful when they look back at high school and that they could see the realness and the rawness of our conversations.

Prayer.

Please pray for the Valentine family they live here in Chesapeake.
Their daughter, Kelly who was 12 was hit by a car last night and died in the hospital she camw to Wyldlife club and heard the Gosepl. Her older sister Katie is at Great Bridge high school and attends YOung Life as well. Pray that their family feels the nearness of Christ during a time where the "whys" can out weigh every other thought.

four guys, one girl and a mission...

Almost every afternoon at about 3:43 the "kid work" of my day begins I walk up a lonely sidewalk against the grain of hundreds of Freshman, sophomores, juniors and seniors at Hickory. So much runs through my mind during this time usually things like "I'm petrified," "Lord meet me here," "This is my job?" That walk is life giving for me and life altering.

I know kids recognize me, they have to by now. Outside of my 4 other teammates I am the only one going the opposite direction into the school I wonder what they think when they see me... if I'm a student, a mom? I am secretly thankful I don't look my age only when I walk up to the school. I pray that when they see any of us they see something different. I have 4 boy teammates of whom I am just so thankful to know. I wanted to tell you a little bit about each of them because they truly love the Lord and they love high school students... well and with passion... just as Christ would.

Parker- Parker is a Freshman at TCC (Tidewater Community College) and graduated from Great Bridge High School here in Chesapeake. he is probably the quietest out of all of us but he truly has the kindest heart, he would do anything for anyone and although is schedule doesn't always permit him to do ministry he tries his harest to be at everything. When he is at club meeting a new guy I promise that guy feels like the only person that matters to Parker, thats amazing.

Nacho- No, that isn't his real name Chris is his real name but believe it or not no one calls him that, adults included. Nacho is a freshman at TCC as well, and also graduated from Great Bridge High School. Nacho is a hipster, if he knew I said that he would be either really excited or sad, haha but one thing I so appreciate about him is that he will do whatever he can to make sure kids hear about Christ. He gave his first club talk a few weeks ago and his passion and vigor for Christ in his own life were so obvious as he spoke the words of Christ from scripture. He also makes me laugh all the time

Josh- Josh is a senior at ODU (Old Dominion University) also a graduate of Great Bridge, he is engaged to my good friend Ally who leads at Grassfield High School. Josh always is willing to do whatever is asked of him, he leads with quiet ambition something I admire. He doesn't scream he doesn't draw attention to himself but wants nothing more than to be cast aside but wants Christ to exude out of his presence. He also makes me laugh... probably not the hardest thing to do.

Jacob- Jacob is a junior at ODU and graduated from Grassfield High School but will tell you that he 100% from Deep Creek (a suburb thats a bit more on the fringe) Have you ever had that friend you can bring anywhere and people just flock to them? They are easy, joyful and funny? Thats Jacob. He has this personality that no matter what you do you can't help but love him. His faith is something that I admire the most... it is deep and strong and he leads with passion, when he is with his guys you just see how he wants desperately for them to know life and know it to the fullest.

I am so thankful for these boys they really try to love me as best they can and I so wish each one of you could see how they lead, how they want Hickory guys to see freedom and to hear truth. I am in battle with these 4 boys and when I walk that long sidewalk up to Hickory whether or not Parker, Nacho, Josh, or Jacob are with me I know they are in the trenches alongside me. That is a the vision of the disciples of Christ and to think that we are that vision upon an old cement sidewalk in the midst of Abercrombie & Fitch or Volcom clad seniors is truly so insane to me and makes me want to say "Lord are you sure you want me?" And of course He does.

80's Roller Skating Club

It's Monday Monday... Gotta Get Down On Monday

This past Monday we had our first ever Campaigner run club at Hickory... it was AMAZING!
I will be honest is was the most fun I have had at club all semester our campaigners really got a vision for how to run club but even more so how to love their friends in the midst of it all, not just to please us but to please their God. As I looked out into the crowd as we were singing Party in the USA I saw kids laughing and singing... this seems pretty normal but for the first time since I have led at Hickory they were into it, they had let go of everything and wanted to be a part of it all... it was refreshing it was exciting and it made me love leading even more. Now don't get me wrong leading isn't about kids singing I know this but to see them be kids again instead of kids with granite walls packed around their hearts was what I needed to see. Leading is tough most of the time but when you have a night like that you remember the ways in which the Lord is wooing His children to Himself and to be a part of that process can really alter your heart.

In such a contrast to the night I was able to share some pretty scary news on Monday night about this idea of sin, I shared the top 5 news stories on cnn.com from Monday morning and shared 5 facebook status' from high schoolers not in the room... I did this to show the brokenness... the bitterness... the anger and introduce what sin is. This message is hard... its hard to give but its real and there is SUCH redemption in it all.

I pray that this week kids wrestle with this idea of sin and I pray that kids want to know more... that they come back and I would boldly ask the same of you..

But this are moving here in Chesapeake the Lord is revealing Himself to me ever more and I am getting hard truth daily... hard needed truth.

Summer Camp...

I woke up today after a three days at Rockbridge for Assignment Team Training and realized my deep burden for girls. I LOVE high school girls but sometimes I get so wrapped up in them liking me, and becoming a "buddy leader" that I forget that they don't need me they need a savior, praise God that savior is not me because lets be honest I am a hot mess...

I got a text on the way home yesterday from a girl who gave me her deposit for summer camp in December... she wanted it back... and it broke my heart. She hasn't been coming to things, she has been working a lot and told me she couldn't ask off work... my prideful self went "camp is in July, its March you can ask off work" but instead the Lord called me to pray, pray hard for her, and pray hard for girls who I NEVER think would come to camp would come. I have 4 girls coming out of about 12 right now whom I am deathly afraid of and I want more of those girls... so I beg for you to join me in this time of prayer.

pray for Kendall, Megan, Mariah, Bailey- these girls are seriously petrifying I want walls to be broken down.
pray that these girls by the grace of our sweet savior that they would want to experience a week away this summer:
Morgan
Brooke
Bridgette
Rachel
Jacki
Zoe
Taylor
Sydney
Ally

I will probably be asking for so much more prayer over these next few months about girls because I cannot imagine these girls walking around dead any longer without knowing there is something so much better in store for them.

When The Saints- Sara Groves

"Lord I have a heavy burden of all I've seen and know
It's more than I can handle
But your word is burning like a fire shut up in my bones
and I cannot let it go

And when I'm weary and overwrought
with so many battles left unfought

I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard
I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars
And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them."


This song was one that my good friend Julie played when I was working at Rockbridge this summer and I absolutely fell in love with it. It wasn't until recently that I really listened to the lyrics and today they just resonated with me, so if you get a chance listen to it.

My heart has become weary and overwrought and I realize it is because I am feeling the burden of so many girls left unloved and without the truth of Christ... including girls I "minister" to right now. I put minister in quotations because I have been deeply convicted of how rarely I put girls that I love at a crossroad for the Lord because of a fear of rejection. I have been praying that the Lord would show me why I can't do it why I get so scared why I trip on my words and don't say what I want to and I feel as though He has been sweetly whispering to me that I don't trust HIm with everything that I focus too much on the ins and outs of ministry and less on Him... wow. I am blown away by the truth of this and that He would show this to me now... but it is sweet and good and I'm learning and trusting and bringing this all to HIm daily. For now I want to be bold I want to think of Silas in the prison yard... I want the word of the Lord to be deep set in my bones so for now that is my sweet solemn prayer.

Just some things I am learning that I wanted to share!

YoungLives

I just realized I never posted this but it is technically from TWO weeks ago!

Last week ended up being such a great week! I was able to go up to Charlottesville Thursday night (the day before my bi weekly training time) and visit with my sister and spend the night with my good friends Holly and Jay, I am so thankful for them. Holly and Jay just had a baby, Joel and he is seriously the best, just so joyful!

On Saturday night I was asked to come to a Young Lives club in Newport News by one of our committee women (Barbara) who is starting Young Lives here in Chesapeake. I cannot even begin to tell you my experience nor do I feel like I could even if I wanted to... that small little room with orange walls was sacred ground. I truly didn't know what to expect with Young Lives all I knew was that the Lord has put a lot on my heart about it, and I am scared to admit maybe even a call. There were about 5 girls there all of which had children and two of which were pregnant with another child, These girls were closed off to say the least but I told this to Barabara later I don't feel like they had any reason to not be closed off... they were wounded and they were hurting and they were stressed all at 15.

As we sat around a big table where a leader read to them scripture about how deeply loved they were by a savior she asked them "How do you know God loves you?" Each girl reluctantly answered and each answer rocked my world but one was simply life changing for me "I know I am not supposed to have the stress I have in my life, I know but I also know that I have a God that loves me because He never left me and He never made it too much." Just rest in that with me... reflect in that with me. Her name was Jasmine so if you think of it pray for her... she is going to college next year she has a two year old little boy and she has a relationship with God that is deep and real.

I'm desperate for Him.

I have never been so exhausted...

I realized today that I do not know how to stop... so much so that I forgot my notes for my club talk last night and had to "wing it" it was the most heart wrenching thing I've ever had to do in my life. I believe it was so hard because all I want is for kids to find Christ exciting and see Him as loving and irresistible and I wasn't able to share that with them.

It kills me that I would treat something so urgent and so pivotal with such flippancy but my Mom shared with me today, that because of my kind heart I tend to say yes to everything (like I did right before club) and what stems out of that is a learning experience from the Lord.

So here I sit beating myself up over the Lord showing me His heart and showing me my sin and my desperate need for Him.

Girls Cabin Time

I had girls over tonight with the idea of having a "girls cabin time" I had emailed a few girlfriends for prayer in the night and here is what I sent them in response of the night and the ways in which the Lord moved...

Ladies!
Thank you so much for praying (even if you didn't get the email in time, haha.) Oh it was sweet, SO sweet. Only about 7 girls came but 7 was the perfect number. I told them how I think its hard for girls to have good deep conversations with each other and how I wanted this time to be that for us to talk about "real life" not just the surface level "fake life" we like to present to everyone. I cannot even tell you the things they shared... it was almost too deep too intimate and the holy spirit moved. Nights like these are so special to me they remind me of why I moved to Chesapeake Virginia for girls for lost broken hearted hopeless girls who want to know Christ whether they may know it or not.

I think the most amazing thing was that the Lord fed me in it too, I told my friend Marissa that I had been praying that the Lord would provide me with some sort of affirmation because I haven't been feeling any for a long time and I needed it from Him. I started asking the girls why their friends don't necessarily want to come to club and they said they felt like it was "religious" which of course frustrated me and them, so we talked about it more... they said it was hard when they first came they felt awkward they didn't feel cared for or loved... and I just wanted to cry that is the LAST thing I want for club to feel like for them. Then this happened, Kendall a girl who literally has captured my heart she is so special, turned to me and said Katie you were what made me want to come back, you were different you loved us like no one ever has. I nearly died... literally I nearly died reliving that moment I know it WAS NOT me loving them but Christ through me and that is why I am here... that moment... that is it... girls want to be loved deeply and desperately its in their being... God put it there for them and thats what He is asking me to do... thank you.

Your prayers moved mountains these girls needed love and truth tonight and it happened, so thank you!

New Staff Training

JANUARY 21, 2011
New Staff Training
Phew!
The past two weeks have been a whirlwind, as soon as I came home from Christmas break I had constant stream of house guests which I absolutely LOVE! I thrive with people in my home, I just love having guests and spending time with people so my new year was spent surround with people and love… just the way I like it.
January 6th I flew out to Denver Colorado for Young Life’s New Staff Training at a Young Life camp in Fraser CO called Crooked Creek Ranch, it was beautiful to say the least. During my two weeks there I took 2 of my first seminary classes which completely rocked my world. I love learning how to love high school students well for our savior but learning theology and learning scripture in such a deep way was what I needed. Above anything else I loved feeling the way in which the Lord altered me and my life… I came back changed completely changed and completely different. I came back knowing I was an intimately loved daughter of God, something I needed to hearand to believe.
So thank you for letting me experience a time like this… I wish I could share every second with you and tell you every story… but sadly there are far too many!

Merry Christmas from Chesapeake!

DECEMBER 19, 2010
Merry Christmas From Chesapeake!
Warning: this post may be a bit confusing but its where I am right now.
Ok… I love Christmas more than ANYTHING! Seriously… I go out of my way, down streets i don’t need to be on just because they have more Christmas lights. I love everything about the season, from the trees to the cooking, EVERYTHING. It has been so sweet being here in Chesapeake during this season, I am just so thankful to be here it truly has been a long time since I have lived in a place that I don’t want to leave, because I love it so much. The Lord is changing me here… he reveals newness in me everyday… don’t worry I still experience struggle upon struggle but the Lord has just shown me His mercy and that He is my father. It has been hard with girls though…
Its hard when I get a phone call from a girl telling me that her friends all hate her and she can’t do it anymore, or a call when a girl just can’t be in her home anymore. These times are the hardest for me, I realized that tonight as a girl called me telling me that she packed her bags and was leaving her home… she has no where else to go. At times like that I see my compassion override my judgement. I can’t take a girl into my home as much as I may want to I know that won’t solve her problems, that won’t solve the hurt but sometimes I just want it to… I want life to be easy for these girls but I know it won’t/ can’t be… if it were I wouldn’t have a job because they wouldn’t need a savior, they wouldn’t need Christ. The Lord has shown me so much compassion and yet I think my compassion will be more than HIs for these girls because sometimes I am just so scared to tell them that He will be their everything… and I’m not quite sure why… He is revealing so much! Pray for Rachel and Rebecca if you think of it… as well as Kendall these girls have been ever on my heart the past few weeks!
Have such Merry Christmas!
Katie

32 hrs, 5 hrs of sleep= the best weekend of my life

32 hrs, 5 hrs of sleep= the best weekend of my life.
Fall weekend was absolutely amazing, I just cannot express how your prayers were felt. Every minute I was there I could not avoid the presence of God, I could not even deny the Holy Spirit entering me. I want to share with you every moment from the weekend but that would literally take up the rest of my blog but instead I want to share with you 3 girls.
On weekends I am not going to lie I am usually skeptical about how cabin time will really go, that friday night Nov 19 at 2:30 in the morning (yes thats when we started cabin time…) I left 17 girls with the question of “who do you see God as?” I had 17 girls wrestle with this, through tears but through genuine answers! I shared my testimony with these girls at the beginning of our time together to show them that I wasn’t always a Christian. I wanted to share that there was time I didn’t want anything to do with God and for them that broke down walls. They did not give me bible study answers they didn’t tell me what I wanted to hear but were truly genuine… it was absolutely beautiful.
Kelli, who has come to every club for the past year, is beautiful like I am talking she could be a model, she is so sweet and she did not believe in God whatsoever. Kelli, that first night said she didn’t know what she believed she didn’t think she had any vision of God, I was thankful. Kendall, who once again is absolutely gorgeous, as sweet as can be and truly so funny said she wanted this relationship with God ON THE FIRST NIGHT!!!! WHAT THE HECK????? It was great! Then Stephanie, who looks like an exotic princess (don’t worry I’ve told her that in real life) who was raised Catholic, has moved 6 times in 15 years, drives a diesel truck and is as shy as can be, she didn’t know what a relationship with the Almighty God was at all. She had always been taught that it was more of a hierarchy than a relationship. I love all 17 of these girls but these 3 just stole my heart this weekend I knew God had changed planned for them.
On Saturday I sadly I had to go to the hospital for 6 hours with one of my girls (she is ok don’t worry) so I missed most of the afternoon and club which truly broke my heart I was so excited to be with these girls but God had other plans. I got back right before they were sent out for the 20 minutes. As I watched my girls go out and struggle with this idea of a relationship with God I prayed, I cried, and I struggled with them. Its so funny how the Lord can just put your heart in such a place that there is nothing you wouldn’t do for someone else, I wanted desperately for these girls to know freedom… and that they did! That night these three girls decided to make a commitment to Christ.
I met with them yesterday, it was great! I have led YL for 5 years and I have never had girls who had NEVER read the Bible before, it was GREAT I got to teach them the basics of everything which was so great for me to remember and walk through with them. We are going through John together, I am so excited to see these girls change to see what the Lord will do with them! I am so excited to see their lives change!!!
This weekend I am taking 7 girls on a Work Crew weekend at Rockbridge! Pray for them, I pray it rocks their worlds that serving in such a way would be difficult but so good!
HAPPY DECEMBER!
Katie

Savanna & Fall Weekend at Rockbridge

NOVEMBER 17, 2010
Savanna & Fall weekend at Rockbridge
This morning I met with Savanna and Katie Brewer. Savanna is this amazingly sweet girl and is a senior at Great Bridge high school and Katie is her leader and just one of my favorite people in the world. Great Bridge has about 46 girls going on fall weekend this weekend which is so so amazing and so the Lord since there are only 2 girl leaders at GB!
Savanna has such a beautiful relationship with Christ, I’m seriously not just saying that she is sweet and considerate and is in love with God. Since there are so many girl leaders going Savanna is going to lead a cabin of 12 GB girls this weekend, I am so excited for those girls but I am even more excited for Savanna. We met with her this morning to love, care for and encourage her as she is feeling so nervous about leading a cabin, but I know she is going to do an amazing job and I wish she could see how beautiful her love is for the Lord and how exhilarating that will be for all those girls she gets to share Christ with. Dang it we forgot to pray together…. I just remembered that! Please pray for Savanna as she is going to be leading this cabin by herself and she is scared, as all the leaders probably are right now. Pray that she would have intimate time with the Lord this week and that she would feel so encouraged by Him because she will do amazing!
Hickory is taking about 16 girls!!!!! I am PUMPED! We have about 10 guys signed up right now too and I just cannot believe how the Lord is moving! We will hopefully get a few more guys signed up and a couple more girls I pray!
If I could, I would like to ask for your prayers for our leaders and kids for this weekend, pray that God would wreck lives and that kids would see and experience freedom, I want them so desperately to know freedom. Pray for 33 more kids to sign up so we can pay for a 3rd bus.
Here are numbers and leaders names to lift up!
Great Bridge: 77 kids total
Leaders @ Great Bridge:
Katie Brewer
Jen Felan
Eric Messmore
JT Tworek
Jim Pulizzi
Hickory High School: 23 kids total
Leaders @ Hickory:
Jacob Heatherington
Josh Henderson
Katie Hackett
Grassfield HS/ Deep Creek HS: 44 kids total
Leaders @ Grassfield:
Justin Ryder
Matt Benson
Thomas Davis
Ally Hill
Thank you so much!
His,
Katie

Rockbridge Staff Day.

NOVEMBER 15, 2010
Rockbridge Staff Day.
I am so sorry, it has been FAR too long since I have updated my blog! PS. This may be a long post!
This week was a little off, Tuesday I woke up at 4AM (typical of a tidewater staff person) to drive to Rockbridge for the commonwealth’s staff day. This pretty much is when every person on staff in the commonwealth region of Virginia (about 50 of us) get together and talk about ministry.
I’m not going to lie I HATE leaving Chesapeake, its weird I know because I’m not from here but I realized when I was sitting at Rockbridge which is like my second home I just longed to be going up to the high school. I longed to be with girls, this sounds like something that is so cliche or something that I am “supposed” to say being on staff and let me tell you there are days when I DO NOT want to go to the high school but for the most part I long to go there. I long to be walking the lonely sidwalk against the grain of juniors and seniors literally running to their cars to beat the traffic out of school, it is where I long to be. So as I sat amongst staff people from all over Virginia who are beyond wise, and beyond faithful, I was dreaming of Chesapeake, dreaming of lost kids, wanting to be with them.
Rockbridge was such a sweet time for me, even though I wanted to be elsewhere Christ pulled me to Himself. The staff associates (formerly called interns) got to spend the night and have an extended training time together which was absolutely all I needed. Except for the fact that we shot guns for a little while… I HATED that! I have never shot a gun before and I cried and was shaking after my practice round and told them I could not do it again… I have a bruise about the size of a grapefruit on my arm as we speak it was miserable but the guys loved it and thats what matters they got to have their “guy time” showing off to one another. After our shooting sesh we had dinner together, we sat for 4 hours sharing challenges… being vulnerable… sobbing… feeling Christ…feeling real life when we live in a world were “real” is very much non-existant.
That time at Rockbridge was so much sweeter than I could ever tell you and I don’t want to forget a second of it but as I fall back into routine here in Chesapeake I find myself losing sight of sweet time spent around a table in the dining hall where day after day lost high schoolers have sat questioning where they belong. We even talked about how our kids probably think we have it “all together” and yet we sat around that table a mess, a mess that is delighted in by our savior… how sweet… how sweet my job is, thank you for letting me do it.
*pray for club tonight (Monday) if you could, pray for 5 more girls to sign up for camp to make 20 girls from Hickory High School the most they have ever taken!

New Home, Fall, Homecoming and Kathryn

OCTOBER 21, 2010

New Home, Fall, Homecoming and Kathryn
When I first came on Young Life staff everyone around me told me I wouldn’t be busy for a few weeks and that I should bask in it because the busyness would come and it would come hard. Ok, I thought I believed them but apparently I didn’t because the past two weeks have been unreal when it comes to being busy. I love it, but I can already see how I am giving hickory girls, leaders, and the young life area part of myself not all of myself, that isn’t healthy. I just moved into a new home and it is beautiful don’t worry you are welcome ANYTIME! But for now I want to share with you why I thinking the Fall is such a beautiful time for ministry.
Last Friday was Hickory’s homecoming football game, football games is where my office is in a weird way. At this football game some of our club guys were caught streaking and I saw girls that I took to camp enveloped in guys arms, lost and looking for love in ALL the wrong places. I met girls that were high and dating boys that were older than me but I above anything else I saw Christ, I saw Him sweetly whispering to all these lost kids in all of these situations.
Here is a picture of some girls that are so dear to my heart. I love these girls, they are broken but amongst their brokenness is my friend and key campaigner girl Kathryn.

This girl is unreal, she is beautiful and she is running HARD after Christ she longs for Him thirsts for Him and here she is loving her friends and trying to share Christ with them. This girl is absolutely wonderful and I am so thankful for her.
This week was our Young Life Banquet, we had about 400 guests who already support young life or have no idea what young life is about. Our committee had been working day and night for weeks trying to make this night so incredibly special to introduce this beautiful ministry. Kathryn and I were able to do something extremely special during this time. If you have ever been to young life camp you have seen something called “real life.” During camp they will pick staff people to share thoughts about their life before Christ. Kathryn got to do this, and what was even cooler was that my thoughts were also displayed. We got to stand on that stage together and share her story, the story Christ wrote for her. When I met Kathryn I knew her heart was in pleasing everyone around her, was lost in being liked and after a week at Lake Champion Christ grabbed her and shook her, and completely altered her. Gosh I cannot say enough about this girl, she is a rockstar and she is going to change her high school!
(She is the one in the middle)

Duz Jsus Lng 4 Me?

SEPTEMBER 26, 2010

There is a lot I love about leading Young Life but something I really love is how high school girls LOVE texting, they LOVE boys, and they LOVE drama. It never changes, seriously, no matter what high school you go to or what high schooler you meet they love all or one of those things. You might find it odd how I love that about high school girls but the reason I do is because it makes it so much more real how lost they are, how they are clinging to things that help them to feel wanted or cared about or seen. I think every person longs to be seen (as I shared in my last post) but I know that high schoolers yearn for it and do WHATEVER they can to be seen.
Time and time again I come back to this painting that was talked about in a sermon I went to back in Lynchburg. The pastor talked about how Jesus softly, sweetly knocks on the door to our hearts. In the painting the pastor showed was Jesus, He was carrying a lantern softly knocking on a door without a handle. Apparently many art scholars have commented on how this painting is incorrect because of the lack of door handle, but the painter’s intention was to show how WE are the ones who let Jesus in, WE invite Him in. Jesus sees us, He longs for us and He acknowledges us but WE are the ones who make the plunge to follow Him.
All this came from a Mexican dinner last night with 5 Hickory High School girls, I want them so desperately to open that door. More than anything I want that for them. So I pray that one day I see a text like the title of this post from one of them on my phone. Our God is so unbelievably good that I know I will see it I know He has plans for them, bigger plans than I could ever imagine. For now pray for them and pray for our first club tomorrow night! Pray for tons of new kids, kids that want NOTHING to do with this

Its a Little Hard Right Now

SEPTEMBER 24, 2010

One thing I really strive to be is genuine. I feel like you see people who are genuine and you just long to know them and be like them, its encouraging to see someone who is going to tell you when they are excited but also that they will tell you when they are sad too, or having a hard time. Well here is a genuine moment for me.
Its hard right now.
I love my job, I absolutely love it. It pushes me and it is shaping my walk with the Lord but it at times can be all I do. Its not a job that is from 9-5 every day but its 24/7. I realized this last night.
Chris ‘Kess’ Kessick has been in town this week with his family to love and care for Justin and Libby as they are facing so much with Libby’s cancer. He was the area director here and was the one who trained Ryder. I was invited to a dinner the committee was having to be with him and to see his family. Ryder invited me with the intentions of good time of “non-work” and for him and I to get to know each other better. It was encouraging to see how truly loved Kess is and was. I sat in the room talking to people and learning more about people but I still felt so lonely. Is that normal? To be in a room full of people and to still feel lonely? The Kessick’s and the Ryders are SO loved, obviously they have been here a long time have been trying to desperately love this community for Christ but still I just long to be loved here, I long for friends.
The leaders are great and welcoming but I just don’t know how to get to know them since they are so guy heavy. I talked with my best friend Julie two nights ago after a less than perfect campaigners led by me, and just shared my struggles and heart with her I realized how much I long for someone to long to know me.
THATS IT… literally as I wrote that sentence I heard the voice of our God whisper to me “I do.” I need to rest in that in Him ITS JUST FREAKING HARD! RIght now I am sitting at Barnes & Noble and all I want is to run into someone I know. Literally the Lord is trying to run into me, get me to notice Him acknowledge his presence here and I’m ignoring it. Pray that as I am getting used to this life here that I can rest my longing for relationships in Him. It will just take time and maybe a few tears.

Sandbridge Staff Time

First & Second Year Staff

Is this Really My Job?

September 13, 2010
This past weekend we had a leader weekend on the Eastern Shore. We went to this YMCA camp called Camp Silver Beach. I was incredibly nervous, this was the first time I would be with these leaders and get to know them more intimately and share my heart with them! Let me just set the scene for you there were 18 guy leaders and Chesapeake guys are funny, they ALL wear vans literally not one was wearing regular shoes. They all have inside jokes about videos they have seen on youtube or dumb things someone has said but something so special about them is that they are always laughing and enjoying one another. Now there are a few less girls, there are 5 girl leaders including myself, these girls are beautiful and wonderful and completely sold out for Christ and for this ministry and are so loving of each other and affirming. BUT SERIOUSLY 18 GUYS??? LORD WHAT THE HECK??? So as a girly girl you can see how intimidating Chesapeake can be at times.
Jesus said in the book of John to His 12 discples: “A new command I give you: Love on another. As I have loved you, so you MUST love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples if you love one another.” This is a verse shared often among those who are sharing the truth of Christ with others and I feel as though I have seen it act out a fair amount but nothing like I had seen among these leaders. The way they love each other, gosh it is beautiful and the way they seek to be with another is truly enamoring. It could be so easy for those guy leaders to just be together and forget about the girls, but they seek out their sisters and want to know us and be with us and walk alongside us and of course laugh with us. I am so thankful for this group of volunteers they truly have taught me so much about what it looks like to love one another and to truly act out the word of God.
Chesapeake is a special place and I cannot believe that the Lord would put me here.
I was telling my Young Life Leader and best friend Carrie this a little while ago, I literally wake up every morning thinking about my day’s events and say out loud “is this really my job? Do I really get to go to the high school today and meet kids? Do I really get to meet with leaders and potential leaders? Do I really get to do this?” I knew what my job would entail (for the most part) but I don’t think I realized how much this was all I have wanted to do with my life, introduce the Gospel and expand the kingdom. I just feel so incredibly lucky that I love going to work everyday. Thank you all for allowing me to do this!
Love always,
Katie

From Lynchburg to Chesapeake

September 4, 2010
From Lynchburg to Chesapeake
Finally a breath… I feel as though breathing has been limited over the past few days, I promise I am not being dramatic!
Tuesday morning, I woke up packed up my beetle and had a silent drive to Charlottesville where I made a quick pit stop to see my good friend Holly. Holly is one of those people you WANT to be with when you are moving to a new place, she is encouraging and loving and so bold. I appreciate Holly so much because she allows me to be a more bold person. After goodbyes were said I drive the 2 hours to Chesapeake only to the warmest welcome imagineable. I met leaders and committee who all just seemed so excited to see me and made me feel so cared for, what a comfort. They have no idea the fear I had felt all day and how their loving welcome eased so much.
After my 4 hours in Chesapeake I drove to Fredericksburg arrived at 12 midnight, spent the night and drive the 6 hours for literally 24 hours of training at Lake Champion, I was dreading it but it was exactly what I needed.
I am here. Thats all I keep saying to myself. I have been waiting almost 5 months to be here and now I am here. I am scared out of my mind but as I was sitting with God this morning this is what I read “You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.” Psalm 32:7. I will never be alone here!

Switches

I created a blog when I first moved to Chesapeake on something called tumblr, I then found out from my lovely high school friends that that is what "cool kids" have... then I switched to blogger, haha. Here are my posts from the past 6 months of my living in a new town, with a new job, new friends and a Lord who is ever present and ever a provider...

AUGUST 26, 2010
From Goshen to Delaware
OK,
So for the past 4 months I have been baking my heart out in Goshen Virginia at a Young Life camp called Rockbridge. I served alongside 13 other interns whose jobs included: waterfront, rec tech, EMT, AM cook, PM cook, snack bar, ropes, bikes, video, office, sound, landscape, and guest services (don’t worry I don’t fully understand what that job is either.) We served as a team alongside the property there to allow God to use us and work to give thousands of high school and middle school students the best weeks of their lives. This summer truly was life changing and I am just so thankful that the Lord would grant me with such an experience that would push me and grow me so drastically in my faith.
I left Rockbridge Sunday to catch a train from Lynchburg back home to Delaware to rest and hopefully finish fundraising for about 5 days. After sucessfully leaving my cell phone in VIrginia I was welcomed home with good food, family and friends. After shedding countless tears over my sudden standstill in fundraising and feeling completely helpless I was able to seek the Lord harder than ever in this process of going on Young Life staff. I truly have no idea what He is doing and although I feel as though His hand is so far from my own I am slowly seeing He will provide in His time and not my own.
SO tomorrow I leave to go back to Virginia and commence the process of fundraising all over again. Pray for me as I become extremely vulnerable with friends and family as I ask them to be a part of my team in Chesapeake. Hey, anyone feeling the need to write a check for 10K? Hey, it was worth a try…
John 16:33