I'm tired...
I woke up to the feeling of a wall in my face and my kitchen floor on my feet, oh thats right because I slept in a hallway... poor working conditions? Maybe... but definitely so worth it, last night I had about 16 high school girls over for a sleep over. Such a sweet gift, I love having a house full. I never loved sleep overs in high school I think because I liked waking up in my own bed being able to shower and do what I normally did in the morning without disruption but I was probably a weird kid.
I remember when my leader would invite us over for sleepovers it was a little different because she was married and there would be about 4 of us but we would sleep on these giant floral sofas stay up kind of late and laugh and I just loved it, in fact I can't remember much about the sleepover but just loving it and loving being with her.... I don't know if girls really love being with me.
Here is where insecurity feeds itself, I know that I am wonderfully made by a God that loves me desperately that cares for me abundantly and the ONLY thing I offer is Him truly that is the only thing that is attractive about me but sometimes don't you just want to be liked? I am a 23 year old girl who spends the majority of her time with girls between the ages of 14-18... and I STILL seek their approval... I"M ALMOST 24! I could have a child of my own at this age and I still want high school girls to like me... we are crazy creatures. I want them to want to be with me, to beg me to play just dance with them, to laugh at me and with me... but they don't. I am not that cool... but here is what I have to believe is that its ok... there will be a time where they will want to be with me but I think the biggest thing is that I have to remember that my worth does not rest in their opinions of me.
I'm not cool, thank goodness... but today I hope I see the need to be an adult in the lives of adolescents not just an older sister who takes care of them... sometimes.
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