Its a Little Hard Right Now

SEPTEMBER 24, 2010

One thing I really strive to be is genuine. I feel like you see people who are genuine and you just long to know them and be like them, its encouraging to see someone who is going to tell you when they are excited but also that they will tell you when they are sad too, or having a hard time. Well here is a genuine moment for me.
Its hard right now.
I love my job, I absolutely love it. It pushes me and it is shaping my walk with the Lord but it at times can be all I do. Its not a job that is from 9-5 every day but its 24/7. I realized this last night.
Chris ‘Kess’ Kessick has been in town this week with his family to love and care for Justin and Libby as they are facing so much with Libby’s cancer. He was the area director here and was the one who trained Ryder. I was invited to a dinner the committee was having to be with him and to see his family. Ryder invited me with the intentions of good time of “non-work” and for him and I to get to know each other better. It was encouraging to see how truly loved Kess is and was. I sat in the room talking to people and learning more about people but I still felt so lonely. Is that normal? To be in a room full of people and to still feel lonely? The Kessick’s and the Ryders are SO loved, obviously they have been here a long time have been trying to desperately love this community for Christ but still I just long to be loved here, I long for friends.
The leaders are great and welcoming but I just don’t know how to get to know them since they are so guy heavy. I talked with my best friend Julie two nights ago after a less than perfect campaigners led by me, and just shared my struggles and heart with her I realized how much I long for someone to long to know me.
THATS IT… literally as I wrote that sentence I heard the voice of our God whisper to me “I do.” I need to rest in that in Him ITS JUST FREAKING HARD! RIght now I am sitting at Barnes & Noble and all I want is to run into someone I know. Literally the Lord is trying to run into me, get me to notice Him acknowledge his presence here and I’m ignoring it. Pray that as I am getting used to this life here that I can rest my longing for relationships in Him. It will just take time and maybe a few tears.