the unknown

Chesapeake is special to me I can't say that enough.  It's where I have had my first job, its where I felt broken like I couldn't do ministry or this, healed wounds that had been open for years, fell madly in love with Jesus for real and forever, learned my gifts, learned my weaknesses, saw my sin,  felt selfish, felt loved, felt wanted, laughed, cried sobbed even, where I discipled, where I've been discipled, where I put thousands of miles on my car, where I went to football games, soccer games, softball games, chorus concerts, walked girls to class, where I stayed up until 4 talking to college girls about hurt about truth, where I prayed with high school girls to meet their savior, where all I could do was pray, learned humility, learned I'm prideful, where I realized that God called me here, where I realized its not about me, where I learned patience, where I learned that I love to love...

These are just small snapshots of everything I learned and have experienced here. 

I realize that the Lord only calls someone someplace for a time and the rest is unknown to us... how much do we hate the unknown? I am a control freak so I want to know everything all the time its where I try to battle with Him the most when I can't know until He reveals it.

  I am only here for two years,  and those two years are quickly coming to an end an end. Right now I don't know where I will be next year and of course the Lord could and might keep me here in Chesapeake but I don't know. Its hard not knowing but here is one thing I do know is that I will keep loving people into the kingdom. I know that I will keep falling in love with him and I know that I will keep striving to honor Him in all I do. For now I will just rest in the unknown and be thankful. 

Tramp for the Lord

If you have heard me talk about this book you know how it has changed my life. Well, today is my day away and I finally finished it, not because it was long but because I had to put it on my shelf for a while.

Today as I read in this small "hipster" coffee shop in Norfolk I sat quietly listening to songs about His glory and this frail man slowly,and I mean REALLY slowly meandered in. He had a soaking rain coat and a huge gray moustache and he sat beside me. I watched as the barista took great care of him. She brought him his muffin and coffee and spoke tenderly to him as he smiled without words. She walked to the "condiment bar" and brought back a sugar packet and said "I'm sorry ____ we will have to use a sugar packet today. I've opened it for you are you ready to pour it in together?" He nodded she helped him pour his sugar in his coffee. "Ok, set it aside... right there yes, set it next to the cup so great ____ you are doing wonderful today. Ok, are you ready for some milk? Why don't you do it this time... yes, thats perfect. I'm so glad you have your raincoat today its pouring out there. I'll be back in a second to check on you ____."

 I cried, I may be extra emotional today but I just couldn't believe it, she was so careful and had such grace and love. This man could have lived a life of service, he could have taken care of so many people and he sat in this coffee shop and was encourage to "do the milk this time" and I couldn't hold it in. How often do I want to feel the grasp of the Lords hand and although He never leaves me sometimes he tells me sweetly ok Katie you do it this time, he is there and he is guiding me but he declares that its my turn. I was touched by this scene for so many other reasons but I just had to share it with you.

 I read in my book about this woman who had multiple sclerosis, her hands were gnarled from the disease and her body was broken both from working hard for her God all her life but also from this illness. The chapter talked about how Corrie visited the woman in Lithuania. Her husband had taken great care of this woman who had fought battle after battle for Jesus and was now forced to sit upright in a chair covered in pillows and only had control of one finger. ONE FINGER! What can you do with one finger? Her husband would sit with her every morning and would read scripture to her and then would sit a giant old typewriter in front of her and with that one finger she would translate the Bible and Christian books into her language so that the people of her town could know Jesus. During this time it was illegal in her country to practice the Christian faith so there were no books declaring Christ and none were in her country's language. So with that one finger she wrote, page after page in hopes that one would fall in love. Here I sit in a coffee shop feeling overwrought and weary unsure of why the Lord has called me here because I can't do it and I read of this woman with one finger she professes Christ... I have all ten. What are my excuses? They seem dry and broken now... thank you jesus that they seem dry and broken!

Before I started my day away I had a bible study at starbucks... I invited girls and Stephanie texted them all for me. This morning at 7:30 at a starbucks in Chesapeake I had 16 girls sit before me eager for Christ not only eager but thirsty. One girl said "I was so jealous of those great bridge boys who had a bible study in the morning, thank you Katie." She was jealous to be in scripture together! WHAT THE HECK? When I was 15 I was jealous of someone's UGGs I don't deserve this Jesus... I can't do this Jesus is what I said to myself. I don't know what He is doing with me, or this, or Hickory but I pray he keeps doing it. Please see my humble heart in this... because I am sitting in shock of all of it.

 I want to leave you with this quote from an unknown author, I plan to paint it on my wall to remind myself of this story of this man of this woman of this unreal morning I woke up to find girls waiting for His word.

 "When she enters the beautiful city and the saved all around her appear, many people around will tell her; it was you that invited me here" Don't you want Jesus to ask you to invite them? I do.

Being Behind & Fall Weekend

Hickory Team

Hallie, Brooke, Brielle, Steph, Elyssa, Me

Carolyn and I at the football game!

Anne (cut out sadly), Riane, Sydney... me

Anne, Riane, Sydney

All the hickory girls!

I hate being behind, I hate feeling like I can't keep all the plates that I need to have spinning in the air spinning but in a weird way I love it at the same time. I love it because it causes me to see that I am broken, I am not perfect I can't do this without jesus I could never do this life without him so why do I try so often? Oh right because I am drenched in sin. 

 November 4th we took about 230 kids from Chesapeake to Rockbridge for our fall weekend. This was Will's (our new area director) first camp trip with Chesapeake and it was CRAZY. We had 100 kids sign up overnight, we had to order another 47 passenger bus last minute to make a total of 5 busses, we didn't have enough leaders... amazingly sweet problems to have. I was thankful I couldn't handle those plates only Jesus could but I tried to during that week and I am ashamed to say that here.

From Hickory I took these amazing girls to camp and I don't want to say that flippantly they were amazing: Anne, Riane, Sydney, Julia, Haley, Emily, Elyssa, Cady, Morgan, Brooke, Brielle, Stephanie, Hallie, Bekah & Francesca. Friday afternoon I was so excited to finally be with these girls and be able to share Jesus with them some for the first time.

Then we had problems... bus problems... and that is when I hate being on staff secretly. All I wanted was to sit with girls on the bus and laugh and I had to call rental companies to track down a 47 passenger bus for us because our "late bus" cancelled as we were on the way to Rockbridge. We had another bus driver flip out on our leaders and kids and refuse to drive them in the midst of losing the bus and we arrived at camp over 2 hours late so 230 kids missed all of club but praise our jesus we arrived just in time for the first club talk. All I wanted was to be a leader to 15 girls and the Lord had me help Will be a leader to 230 and I was selfish and I was sad. Thats when I heard Him say to me, give it to me Katie give this all to me, stop taking control let me be in charge of it all. My heart broke, I realized I had lost sight of my Jesus in the midst of problems in the midst of paperwork I forgot Him and I realized how desperately I missed Him.

 From Friday night on the weekend was absolutely beautiful (minus the fact that our bus broke down on the way home but thats another story for another day.) Girls wanted to stay up until 4 for cabin time. Saturday night I sat in the lobby and invited girls to come down and ask questions if they had more after cabin time and one by one girls quietly walked to the lobby of our dorm and had questions that were real and beautiful and 4 sweet amazing girls stood up at the end of the weekend and invited Jesus into their hearts for the first time. I pray that those moments never get old or expected. I was amazed that Jesus allowed me to be there, and I am so thankful he humbled me I needed that and still need humbling. Thank you for praying if not for girls by name thank you just for praying for me. I am so thankful for each one of you, more than you know.

NEW creation

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore if anyone is in Christ he is a NEW creation the old has gone the new has come. This is what its about this is what we long for with students in these city limits of Chesapeake so that one day they can remember the ways in which Christ altered them and their lives for all eternity... because HE is a big deal.

text messages/ emails/ jesus

Its so amazing how a few months ago I wrote a post about texting, how quickly girls reveal their hearts and souls through texting and I totally stand by what I said.

I have talked about Stephanie before, she and I met this year at Tropical Smoothie and I asked for prayers for her that she would feel passionate about Christ. Oh my gosh how the Lord has moved in her, I can't even think about her without crying she is so precious to me. While at camp I just saw Stephanie bloom, her passion for Christ changed it became intimate and sweet, she became intimate and sweet with me and shared her heart and her fears and our relationship has never been the same. Since we got back from camp every week day we have invited kids to come to the young life office for their quiet times, she came everyday at 8:30am. She and I would sit side by side spending time with the Lord. I always write down my prayers and as I would watch her close her eyes to come before our savior I would write furiously that the Lord would protect her that she would feel Him near and my goodness how she has.

Stephanie is getting ready for cheerleading tryouts, she is petrified she and I have talked multiple times about her fears of standing back handsprings, which I know nothing about except through her, and how she wants to make this team bad. Last year she tried out and didn't make it, a gift for me and what seemed like a curse for her. If she had made cheering she wouldn't have ever come to young life or fall weekend she wouldn't have started this relationship with Christ this year. She is so nervous... I told her I would go to tryouts with her would pray with her before and no matter what she is going to be used for God's glory... she knows this now... I am so thankful for that.

I wanted to share this text with you from her I pray she doesn't mind but it has blown my mind the change in her:
s- Katie, I'm getting major butterflies!
k-Oh Steph! What are you the most nervous about?
s- I'm scared that I'm going to be too comfortable with everything and not make it. I trust that God has a plan and if I don't make it then I wasn't meant to be but I'm worried that I think I did well and I will feel heartbreak like I did last year.
k- aww sweet girl, I totally understand. Don't feel like comfort is bad it could be really good! Rest that you are literally so different than you were last year your whole life is different. It's so natural being nervous though, if you weren't I'd be worried. Steph the Lord is going to be so sweet to you I just know it. If you make it you can love those other girls and show them Christ if you don't than you have a whole school to love. Either way He is going to alter this year, you have changed.
s- That means so much it really does. Sometimes I think about if I had made it and I probably would be a completely different person than I am now. I never would've met Kendall or Bridgette who brought me to YoungLIfe so I could meet the Lord. But I know that last year I had selfish intentions of making it but I really wanna make it because I love to do it and I wanna build more relationships through Christ.
k- Oh stephanie I'm crying in my bed. You will no matter what! Girl the Lord has instilled in you a passion that no one can take away tryouts or not you are so incredibly special. THis year is going to be so sweet.
s- Aw Katie, this means so much you have no idea and I can't wait for this year!
k- I can't either steph love you so much I really mean that
s- love you too I'm glad I have you
k- Oh you don't even know

as I typed this I am crying. Hickory has been hard so incredibly hard. I just wanted for girls to have the heart that Stephanie does, I wanted it to be instant and I wanted it to be now but the Lord had HIs timing He knew that I would be sitting in my bed at midnight on a sunday in July texting with a girl who was once lost and is now found.

Honestly I never know what to share in my blog and whats ok and not ok but if Stephanie could soften my heart I know she could so easily soften yours.

-------
Fast forward a couple of days, I am getting ready for my august assignment where I am sent to Rockbridge to be a work crew boss. Stephanie decided she wanted to apply to work crew its wednesday I leave sunday for Rockbridge, she has tryouts Thursday. Thursday afternoon I went to cheer tryouts and found Stephanie crying... she didn't land her backhand spring. Later that night she found out she didn't make cheer tryouts. As I sat crying in my kitchen knowing that this could easily cause her to fall because her faith is still so new I prayed the Lord would give her work crew that it would be His will for her life 15 minutes later I sat at my computer and got an email telling me Stephanie had made work crew. I sat sobbing... the Lord was so sweet to us... Steph and I went to Rockbridge together and she and I returned so changed. This girl is going to rock her school... not for herself not for me not for anyone but for her Jesus. This is just a glimpse of her story and maybe its more for me than for you but how could I ever deny Jesus after experiencing this... I can't.

sheville

I mentioned long ago that Chesapeake only has about 6 girl leaders Jenn, Ally Katie, Libby, Sarah and myself a small community but it is made HUGE in the summer when we add Alex b, Alex q, Katie m, Shannon l, Becca f, Cristina m, allison m, leslie b, ariel s, and others.

Every week, once a week (typically after club during the year) the girls gather together either at Libby's house or mine to have Sheville.
People tell me often that I am SO lucky to be on young life staff in Chesapeake and I agreed, mostly this is due to the depth of our community here and this depth is because of Christ and how He has moved and allowed us to have this time together as girls.
Every week we get together and talk about how the Lord is shaping us, the hard, the good, the ministry, tears are shed, laughs are heard and encouragement is plentiful. I have never been a part of something like this, so precious and so life giving.
It could be SO incredibly easy for me to sit in that room and think "I am the staff person, these are our volunteer leaders I need to act ok, like I am not hurting or maybe even joyful" but the Lord has instilled such a realness in this time and in my heart that I could NEVER do that.

This past wednesday I shared so much of my heart with a room of 10 girls some of whom I just met in January some even May! As I sat crying on a sofa these girls loved me, Christ loved me through them, and I felt the burdens of the world slowly being taken from me and put on the shoulders of my Jesus. These girls I have known for such a short period have quickly become some of my closest friends in the world. They always tease me and affirm me telling me that "just everyone loves you Katie" or "so many people know you Katie" I of course deny this because it isn't true but think how I don't care, I love that you all know me and you all know me better than anyone. So if any of them read this thank you, thank you for introducing me to sheville to depth, to your hearts, to realness as women of Christ, for always telling me I'm wise, that I'm worth it, that I am needed, that I'm funny, that I'm sweet, that I am loved. I pray one day I will believe all the sweet sweet things you all say about me until then know you all are so extremely precious to my heart and I wish I could write a post about each one of you and maybe one day I will be able to.
For now, thank you I love each of you.

we returned changed...

Thank you all so much for praying and being a part of this week with me, I did not feel as though I was leading a cabin alone but felt as though I had so many people sitting in cabin time with me asking difficult questions and hearing difficult answers, so thank you for that.

This week at Rockbridge was probably one of the hardest weeks I have ever experienced leading. My girls are sassy, real sassy I say this with all the truth in my heart, sometimes I say that to be funny but this time I really mean it. There were times throughout the week when I couldn't even believe the way girls were treating me or the summer staff and work crew, it was almost shocking but it made me all the more thankful they were there hearing about Christ.

By day 4 when girls got to hear about this thing called sin for the first time I realized how they were changing. After cabin time I took 5 girls on the porch of our cabin because they were hurting so deeply, crying so hard, and wanted to talk even though they acted like they were "ok." We sat out on our porch until 2AM and the Lord let me hear the brokenness of girls who have told me they were "fine" for the past 6 months, I heard the pain of hurting families, of hurting bodies, of emotions that had been buried deep for years and I felt undeserving. I felt like the Lord granted me such a vision into the hearts of these girls and all girls at Hickory and it rekindled a fire in my heart for leading. We sat and talked out everything each girl was facing at home and I told them how this was never God's intention, that He never wanted them to hurt this deeply. From that moment on girls changed, they started asking questions they wanted to be with me, they wanted to laugh, they longed for freedom.

On Day 6 our last day, I sat in a rocking chair for 6 hours straight meeting with girls for one on ones. I was able to pray with 3 girls to welcome Christ into their hearts and these girls were lost, one was a girl I was petrified of all year at club she was 14 and I was scared to death of her, but now her life is forever changed and the Lord allowed me to be a part of that and to love her.

That was one thing I learned so deeply over this week, I had girls fighting me, questioning me, and not listening to me all week and I loved them, I can't even explain it. Girls would say rude things to me to the point of me having to leave the room to cry and I would love them, it sounds so masochistic but I think for the first time in my life I caught a glimpse of the ways in which Christ loves us. We are rude, we go against Him and He loves us. This week at camp allowed me to see why I love leading Young Life why I am in love with Christ and why I so desperately want to share Christ with others for the rest of my life because I want them to feel this love that Christ so freely gives us. I want people to know that their brokenness is not the intention of a loving, just God.

I want to share every second of camp so if you want to hear more I would love to talk with you about it all but for now this is what the Lord put on my heart to share and I just thank you for praying for strength I made it up that dumb obstacle course hill because of you!