I woke up today after a three days at Rockbridge for Assignment Team Training and realized my deep burden for girls. I LOVE high school girls but sometimes I get so wrapped up in them liking me, and becoming a "buddy leader" that I forget that they don't need me they need a savior, praise God that savior is not me because lets be honest I am a hot mess...
I got a text on the way home yesterday from a girl who gave me her deposit for summer camp in December... she wanted it back... and it broke my heart. She hasn't been coming to things, she has been working a lot and told me she couldn't ask off work... my prideful self went "camp is in July, its March you can ask off work" but instead the Lord called me to pray, pray hard for her, and pray hard for girls who I NEVER think would come to camp would come. I have 4 girls coming out of about 12 right now whom I am deathly afraid of and I want more of those girls... so I beg for you to join me in this time of prayer.
pray for Kendall, Megan, Mariah, Bailey- these girls are seriously petrifying I want walls to be broken down.
pray that these girls by the grace of our sweet savior that they would want to experience a week away this summer:
Morgan
Brooke
Bridgette
Rachel
Jacki
Zoe
Taylor
Sydney
Ally
I will probably be asking for so much more prayer over these next few months about girls because I cannot imagine these girls walking around dead any longer without knowing there is something so much better in store for them.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
When The Saints- Sara Groves
"Lord I have a heavy burden of all I've seen and know
It's more than I can handle
But your word is burning like a fire shut up in my bones
and I cannot let it go
And when I'm weary and overwrought
with so many battles left unfought
I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard
I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars
And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them."
This song was one that my good friend Julie played when I was working at Rockbridge this summer and I absolutely fell in love with it. It wasn't until recently that I really listened to the lyrics and today they just resonated with me, so if you get a chance listen to it.
My heart has become weary and overwrought and I realize it is because I am feeling the burden of so many girls left unloved and without the truth of Christ... including girls I "minister" to right now. I put minister in quotations because I have been deeply convicted of how rarely I put girls that I love at a crossroad for the Lord because of a fear of rejection. I have been praying that the Lord would show me why I can't do it why I get so scared why I trip on my words and don't say what I want to and I feel as though He has been sweetly whispering to me that I don't trust HIm with everything that I focus too much on the ins and outs of ministry and less on Him... wow. I am blown away by the truth of this and that He would show this to me now... but it is sweet and good and I'm learning and trusting and bringing this all to HIm daily. For now I want to be bold I want to think of Silas in the prison yard... I want the word of the Lord to be deep set in my bones so for now that is my sweet solemn prayer.
Just some things I am learning that I wanted to share!
It's more than I can handle
But your word is burning like a fire shut up in my bones
and I cannot let it go
And when I'm weary and overwrought
with so many battles left unfought
I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard
I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars
And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them."
This song was one that my good friend Julie played when I was working at Rockbridge this summer and I absolutely fell in love with it. It wasn't until recently that I really listened to the lyrics and today they just resonated with me, so if you get a chance listen to it.
My heart has become weary and overwrought and I realize it is because I am feeling the burden of so many girls left unloved and without the truth of Christ... including girls I "minister" to right now. I put minister in quotations because I have been deeply convicted of how rarely I put girls that I love at a crossroad for the Lord because of a fear of rejection. I have been praying that the Lord would show me why I can't do it why I get so scared why I trip on my words and don't say what I want to and I feel as though He has been sweetly whispering to me that I don't trust HIm with everything that I focus too much on the ins and outs of ministry and less on Him... wow. I am blown away by the truth of this and that He would show this to me now... but it is sweet and good and I'm learning and trusting and bringing this all to HIm daily. For now I want to be bold I want to think of Silas in the prison yard... I want the word of the Lord to be deep set in my bones so for now that is my sweet solemn prayer.
Just some things I am learning that I wanted to share!
Thursday, February 17, 2011
YoungLives
I just realized I never posted this but it is technically from TWO weeks ago!
Last week ended up being such a great week! I was able to go up to Charlottesville Thursday night (the day before my bi weekly training time) and visit with my sister and spend the night with my good friends Holly and Jay, I am so thankful for them. Holly and Jay just had a baby, Joel and he is seriously the best, just so joyful!
On Saturday night I was asked to come to a Young Lives club in Newport News by one of our committee women (Barbara) who is starting Young Lives here in Chesapeake. I cannot even begin to tell you my experience nor do I feel like I could even if I wanted to... that small little room with orange walls was sacred ground. I truly didn't know what to expect with Young Lives all I knew was that the Lord has put a lot on my heart about it, and I am scared to admit maybe even a call. There were about 5 girls there all of which had children and two of which were pregnant with another child, These girls were closed off to say the least but I told this to Barabara later I don't feel like they had any reason to not be closed off... they were wounded and they were hurting and they were stressed all at 15.
As we sat around a big table where a leader read to them scripture about how deeply loved they were by a savior she asked them "How do you know God loves you?" Each girl reluctantly answered and each answer rocked my world but one was simply life changing for me "I know I am not supposed to have the stress I have in my life, I know but I also know that I have a God that loves me because He never left me and He never made it too much." Just rest in that with me... reflect in that with me. Her name was Jasmine so if you think of it pray for her... she is going to college next year she has a two year old little boy and she has a relationship with God that is deep and real.
Last week ended up being such a great week! I was able to go up to Charlottesville Thursday night (the day before my bi weekly training time) and visit with my sister and spend the night with my good friends Holly and Jay, I am so thankful for them. Holly and Jay just had a baby, Joel and he is seriously the best, just so joyful!
On Saturday night I was asked to come to a Young Lives club in Newport News by one of our committee women (Barbara) who is starting Young Lives here in Chesapeake. I cannot even begin to tell you my experience nor do I feel like I could even if I wanted to... that small little room with orange walls was sacred ground. I truly didn't know what to expect with Young Lives all I knew was that the Lord has put a lot on my heart about it, and I am scared to admit maybe even a call. There were about 5 girls there all of which had children and two of which were pregnant with another child, These girls were closed off to say the least but I told this to Barabara later I don't feel like they had any reason to not be closed off... they were wounded and they were hurting and they were stressed all at 15.
As we sat around a big table where a leader read to them scripture about how deeply loved they were by a savior she asked them "How do you know God loves you?" Each girl reluctantly answered and each answer rocked my world but one was simply life changing for me "I know I am not supposed to have the stress I have in my life, I know but I also know that I have a God that loves me because He never left me and He never made it too much." Just rest in that with me... reflect in that with me. Her name was Jasmine so if you think of it pray for her... she is going to college next year she has a two year old little boy and she has a relationship with God that is deep and real.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
I'm desperate for Him.
I have never been so exhausted...
I realized today that I do not know how to stop... so much so that I forgot my notes for my club talk last night and had to "wing it" it was the most heart wrenching thing I've ever had to do in my life. I believe it was so hard because all I want is for kids to find Christ exciting and see Him as loving and irresistible and I wasn't able to share that with them.
It kills me that I would treat something so urgent and so pivotal with such flippancy but my Mom shared with me today, that because of my kind heart I tend to say yes to everything (like I did right before club) and what stems out of that is a learning experience from the Lord.
So here I sit beating myself up over the Lord showing me His heart and showing me my sin and my desperate need for Him.
I realized today that I do not know how to stop... so much so that I forgot my notes for my club talk last night and had to "wing it" it was the most heart wrenching thing I've ever had to do in my life. I believe it was so hard because all I want is for kids to find Christ exciting and see Him as loving and irresistible and I wasn't able to share that with them.
It kills me that I would treat something so urgent and so pivotal with such flippancy but my Mom shared with me today, that because of my kind heart I tend to say yes to everything (like I did right before club) and what stems out of that is a learning experience from the Lord.
So here I sit beating myself up over the Lord showing me His heart and showing me my sin and my desperate need for Him.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Girls Cabin Time
I had girls over tonight with the idea of having a "girls cabin time" I had emailed a few girlfriends for prayer in the night and here is what I sent them in response of the night and the ways in which the Lord moved...
Ladies!
Thank you so much for praying (even if you didn't get the email in time, haha.) Oh it was sweet, SO sweet. Only about 7 girls came but 7 was the perfect number. I told them how I think its hard for girls to have good deep conversations with each other and how I wanted this time to be that for us to talk about "real life" not just the surface level "fake life" we like to present to everyone. I cannot even tell you the things they shared... it was almost too deep too intimate and the holy spirit moved. Nights like these are so special to me they remind me of why I moved to Chesapeake Virginia for girls for lost broken hearted hopeless girls who want to know Christ whether they may know it or not.
I think the most amazing thing was that the Lord fed me in it too, I told my friend Marissa that I had been praying that the Lord would provide me with some sort of affirmation because I haven't been feeling any for a long time and I needed it from Him. I started asking the girls why their friends don't necessarily want to come to club and they said they felt like it was "religious" which of course frustrated me and them, so we talked about it more... they said it was hard when they first came they felt awkward they didn't feel cared for or loved... and I just wanted to cry that is the LAST thing I want for club to feel like for them. Then this happened, Kendall a girl who literally has captured my heart she is so special, turned to me and said Katie you were what made me want to come back, you were different you loved us like no one ever has. I nearly died... literally I nearly died reliving that moment I know it WAS NOT me loving them but Christ through me and that is why I am here... that moment... that is it... girls want to be loved deeply and desperately its in their being... God put it there for them and thats what He is asking me to do... thank you.
Your prayers moved mountains these girls needed love and truth tonight and it happened, so thank you!
Ladies!
Thank you so much for praying (even if you didn't get the email in time, haha.) Oh it was sweet, SO sweet. Only about 7 girls came but 7 was the perfect number. I told them how I think its hard for girls to have good deep conversations with each other and how I wanted this time to be that for us to talk about "real life" not just the surface level "fake life" we like to present to everyone. I cannot even tell you the things they shared... it was almost too deep too intimate and the holy spirit moved. Nights like these are so special to me they remind me of why I moved to Chesapeake Virginia for girls for lost broken hearted hopeless girls who want to know Christ whether they may know it or not.
I think the most amazing thing was that the Lord fed me in it too, I told my friend Marissa that I had been praying that the Lord would provide me with some sort of affirmation because I haven't been feeling any for a long time and I needed it from Him. I started asking the girls why their friends don't necessarily want to come to club and they said they felt like it was "religious" which of course frustrated me and them, so we talked about it more... they said it was hard when they first came they felt awkward they didn't feel cared for or loved... and I just wanted to cry that is the LAST thing I want for club to feel like for them. Then this happened, Kendall a girl who literally has captured my heart she is so special, turned to me and said Katie you were what made me want to come back, you were different you loved us like no one ever has. I nearly died... literally I nearly died reliving that moment I know it WAS NOT me loving them but Christ through me and that is why I am here... that moment... that is it... girls want to be loved deeply and desperately its in their being... God put it there for them and thats what He is asking me to do... thank you.
Your prayers moved mountains these girls needed love and truth tonight and it happened, so thank you!
New Staff Training
JANUARY 21, 2011
New Staff Training
Phew!
The past two weeks have been a whirlwind, as soon as I came home from Christmas break I had constant stream of house guests which I absolutely LOVE! I thrive with people in my home, I just love having guests and spending time with people so my new year was spent surround with people and love… just the way I like it.
January 6th I flew out to Denver Colorado for Young Life’s New Staff Training at a Young Life camp in Fraser CO called Crooked Creek Ranch, it was beautiful to say the least. During my two weeks there I took 2 of my first seminary classes which completely rocked my world. I love learning how to love high school students well for our savior but learning theology and learning scripture in such a deep way was what I needed. Above anything else I loved feeling the way in which the Lord altered me and my life… I came back changed completely changed and completely different. I came back knowing I was an intimately loved daughter of God, something I needed to hearand to believe.
So thank you for letting me experience a time like this… I wish I could share every second with you and tell you every story… but sadly there are far too many!
Merry Christmas from Chesapeake!
DECEMBER 19, 2010
Merry Christmas From Chesapeake!
Warning: this post may be a bit confusing but its where I am right now.
Ok… I love Christmas more than ANYTHING! Seriously… I go out of my way, down streets i don’t need to be on just because they have more Christmas lights. I love everything about the season, from the trees to the cooking, EVERYTHING. It has been so sweet being here in Chesapeake during this season, I am just so thankful to be here it truly has been a long time since I have lived in a place that I don’t want to leave, because I love it so much. The Lord is changing me here… he reveals newness in me everyday… don’t worry I still experience struggle upon struggle but the Lord has just shown me His mercy and that He is my father. It has been hard with girls though…
Its hard when I get a phone call from a girl telling me that her friends all hate her and she can’t do it anymore, or a call when a girl just can’t be in her home anymore. These times are the hardest for me, I realized that tonight as a girl called me telling me that she packed her bags and was leaving her home… she has no where else to go. At times like that I see my compassion override my judgement. I can’t take a girl into my home as much as I may want to I know that won’t solve her problems, that won’t solve the hurt but sometimes I just want it to… I want life to be easy for these girls but I know it won’t/ can’t be… if it were I wouldn’t have a job because they wouldn’t need a savior, they wouldn’t need Christ. The Lord has shown me so much compassion and yet I think my compassion will be more than HIs for these girls because sometimes I am just so scared to tell them that He will be their everything… and I’m not quite sure why… He is revealing so much! Pray for Rachel and Rebecca if you think of it… as well as Kendall these girls have been ever on my heart the past few weeks!
Have such Merry Christmas!
Katie
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