four guys, one girl and a mission...

Almost every afternoon at about 3:43 the "kid work" of my day begins I walk up a lonely sidewalk against the grain of hundreds of Freshman, sophomores, juniors and seniors at Hickory. So much runs through my mind during this time usually things like "I'm petrified," "Lord meet me here," "This is my job?" That walk is life giving for me and life altering.

I know kids recognize me, they have to by now. Outside of my 4 other teammates I am the only one going the opposite direction into the school I wonder what they think when they see me... if I'm a student, a mom? I am secretly thankful I don't look my age only when I walk up to the school. I pray that when they see any of us they see something different. I have 4 boy teammates of whom I am just so thankful to know. I wanted to tell you a little bit about each of them because they truly love the Lord and they love high school students... well and with passion... just as Christ would.

Parker- Parker is a Freshman at TCC (Tidewater Community College) and graduated from Great Bridge High School here in Chesapeake. he is probably the quietest out of all of us but he truly has the kindest heart, he would do anything for anyone and although is schedule doesn't always permit him to do ministry he tries his harest to be at everything. When he is at club meeting a new guy I promise that guy feels like the only person that matters to Parker, thats amazing.

Nacho- No, that isn't his real name Chris is his real name but believe it or not no one calls him that, adults included. Nacho is a freshman at TCC as well, and also graduated from Great Bridge High School. Nacho is a hipster, if he knew I said that he would be either really excited or sad, haha but one thing I so appreciate about him is that he will do whatever he can to make sure kids hear about Christ. He gave his first club talk a few weeks ago and his passion and vigor for Christ in his own life were so obvious as he spoke the words of Christ from scripture. He also makes me laugh all the time

Josh- Josh is a senior at ODU (Old Dominion University) also a graduate of Great Bridge, he is engaged to my good friend Ally who leads at Grassfield High School. Josh always is willing to do whatever is asked of him, he leads with quiet ambition something I admire. He doesn't scream he doesn't draw attention to himself but wants nothing more than to be cast aside but wants Christ to exude out of his presence. He also makes me laugh... probably not the hardest thing to do.

Jacob- Jacob is a junior at ODU and graduated from Grassfield High School but will tell you that he 100% from Deep Creek (a suburb thats a bit more on the fringe) Have you ever had that friend you can bring anywhere and people just flock to them? They are easy, joyful and funny? Thats Jacob. He has this personality that no matter what you do you can't help but love him. His faith is something that I admire the most... it is deep and strong and he leads with passion, when he is with his guys you just see how he wants desperately for them to know life and know it to the fullest.

I am so thankful for these boys they really try to love me as best they can and I so wish each one of you could see how they lead, how they want Hickory guys to see freedom and to hear truth. I am in battle with these 4 boys and when I walk that long sidewalk up to Hickory whether or not Parker, Nacho, Josh, or Jacob are with me I know they are in the trenches alongside me. That is a the vision of the disciples of Christ and to think that we are that vision upon an old cement sidewalk in the midst of Abercrombie & Fitch or Volcom clad seniors is truly so insane to me and makes me want to say "Lord are you sure you want me?" And of course He does.

80's Roller Skating Club

It's Monday Monday... Gotta Get Down On Monday

This past Monday we had our first ever Campaigner run club at Hickory... it was AMAZING!
I will be honest is was the most fun I have had at club all semester our campaigners really got a vision for how to run club but even more so how to love their friends in the midst of it all, not just to please us but to please their God. As I looked out into the crowd as we were singing Party in the USA I saw kids laughing and singing... this seems pretty normal but for the first time since I have led at Hickory they were into it, they had let go of everything and wanted to be a part of it all... it was refreshing it was exciting and it made me love leading even more. Now don't get me wrong leading isn't about kids singing I know this but to see them be kids again instead of kids with granite walls packed around their hearts was what I needed to see. Leading is tough most of the time but when you have a night like that you remember the ways in which the Lord is wooing His children to Himself and to be a part of that process can really alter your heart.

In such a contrast to the night I was able to share some pretty scary news on Monday night about this idea of sin, I shared the top 5 news stories on cnn.com from Monday morning and shared 5 facebook status' from high schoolers not in the room... I did this to show the brokenness... the bitterness... the anger and introduce what sin is. This message is hard... its hard to give but its real and there is SUCH redemption in it all.

I pray that this week kids wrestle with this idea of sin and I pray that kids want to know more... that they come back and I would boldly ask the same of you..

But this are moving here in Chesapeake the Lord is revealing Himself to me ever more and I am getting hard truth daily... hard needed truth.

Summer Camp...

I woke up today after a three days at Rockbridge for Assignment Team Training and realized my deep burden for girls. I LOVE high school girls but sometimes I get so wrapped up in them liking me, and becoming a "buddy leader" that I forget that they don't need me they need a savior, praise God that savior is not me because lets be honest I am a hot mess...

I got a text on the way home yesterday from a girl who gave me her deposit for summer camp in December... she wanted it back... and it broke my heart. She hasn't been coming to things, she has been working a lot and told me she couldn't ask off work... my prideful self went "camp is in July, its March you can ask off work" but instead the Lord called me to pray, pray hard for her, and pray hard for girls who I NEVER think would come to camp would come. I have 4 girls coming out of about 12 right now whom I am deathly afraid of and I want more of those girls... so I beg for you to join me in this time of prayer.

pray for Kendall, Megan, Mariah, Bailey- these girls are seriously petrifying I want walls to be broken down.
pray that these girls by the grace of our sweet savior that they would want to experience a week away this summer:
Morgan
Brooke
Bridgette
Rachel
Jacki
Zoe
Taylor
Sydney
Ally

I will probably be asking for so much more prayer over these next few months about girls because I cannot imagine these girls walking around dead any longer without knowing there is something so much better in store for them.

When The Saints- Sara Groves

"Lord I have a heavy burden of all I've seen and know
It's more than I can handle
But your word is burning like a fire shut up in my bones
and I cannot let it go

And when I'm weary and overwrought
with so many battles left unfought

I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard
I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars
And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them."


This song was one that my good friend Julie played when I was working at Rockbridge this summer and I absolutely fell in love with it. It wasn't until recently that I really listened to the lyrics and today they just resonated with me, so if you get a chance listen to it.

My heart has become weary and overwrought and I realize it is because I am feeling the burden of so many girls left unloved and without the truth of Christ... including girls I "minister" to right now. I put minister in quotations because I have been deeply convicted of how rarely I put girls that I love at a crossroad for the Lord because of a fear of rejection. I have been praying that the Lord would show me why I can't do it why I get so scared why I trip on my words and don't say what I want to and I feel as though He has been sweetly whispering to me that I don't trust HIm with everything that I focus too much on the ins and outs of ministry and less on Him... wow. I am blown away by the truth of this and that He would show this to me now... but it is sweet and good and I'm learning and trusting and bringing this all to HIm daily. For now I want to be bold I want to think of Silas in the prison yard... I want the word of the Lord to be deep set in my bones so for now that is my sweet solemn prayer.

Just some things I am learning that I wanted to share!

YoungLives

I just realized I never posted this but it is technically from TWO weeks ago!

Last week ended up being such a great week! I was able to go up to Charlottesville Thursday night (the day before my bi weekly training time) and visit with my sister and spend the night with my good friends Holly and Jay, I am so thankful for them. Holly and Jay just had a baby, Joel and he is seriously the best, just so joyful!

On Saturday night I was asked to come to a Young Lives club in Newport News by one of our committee women (Barbara) who is starting Young Lives here in Chesapeake. I cannot even begin to tell you my experience nor do I feel like I could even if I wanted to... that small little room with orange walls was sacred ground. I truly didn't know what to expect with Young Lives all I knew was that the Lord has put a lot on my heart about it, and I am scared to admit maybe even a call. There were about 5 girls there all of which had children and two of which were pregnant with another child, These girls were closed off to say the least but I told this to Barabara later I don't feel like they had any reason to not be closed off... they were wounded and they were hurting and they were stressed all at 15.

As we sat around a big table where a leader read to them scripture about how deeply loved they were by a savior she asked them "How do you know God loves you?" Each girl reluctantly answered and each answer rocked my world but one was simply life changing for me "I know I am not supposed to have the stress I have in my life, I know but I also know that I have a God that loves me because He never left me and He never made it too much." Just rest in that with me... reflect in that with me. Her name was Jasmine so if you think of it pray for her... she is going to college next year she has a two year old little boy and she has a relationship with God that is deep and real.

I'm desperate for Him.

I have never been so exhausted...

I realized today that I do not know how to stop... so much so that I forgot my notes for my club talk last night and had to "wing it" it was the most heart wrenching thing I've ever had to do in my life. I believe it was so hard because all I want is for kids to find Christ exciting and see Him as loving and irresistible and I wasn't able to share that with them.

It kills me that I would treat something so urgent and so pivotal with such flippancy but my Mom shared with me today, that because of my kind heart I tend to say yes to everything (like I did right before club) and what stems out of that is a learning experience from the Lord.

So here I sit beating myself up over the Lord showing me His heart and showing me my sin and my desperate need for Him.